First Blog for 2015
It has been a while since I have made a blog, but I had to get through a few things before I could open up again to everyone. I have still been writing and working, and in the next few months will continue doing that, as I am really excited to find the right story to tell this time in music. However, before you can understand what will be coming, I have to be honest and open about some things. This is going to be a long blog, but I have a lot to get out. The next time I do a blog, it will probably relate to what is shared here.
I was always having to put myself out there because everyone was hounding me to do it. It was very unnatural for me to do it, because I have come to realize that I’m a very introverted person. Constantly forcing myself to be talkative, animated, on the camera, etc. for the sake of all of you getting to know me only pushed me into a corner of letting all of you get to know someone who wasn’t even myself. It has really bothered me over the years.
I am someone who is slow, takes incredibly long to make decisions because I need time alone and to think about things. I have needed this time to think about things because I never cared enough about myself to give the time before my mission, and no one else cared enough either. As I was in the wave after American Idol, touring, making appearances, the only focus was trying to make everybody else happy and in the process I lost myself. I’m so grateful for the mission because I found myself again, and not only that discovered so many new things.
I understand I have not been very open about what I have been up to with updates, blogs, pictures, and all of that, but I have been trying my best to share as much as what feels right. You are getting to know who I really am: someone who hates being the center of attention, likes quiet and away time, and doesn’t mind being alone, unless with a couple of people at a time to really get one-on-one time with close friends and family. That doesn’t mean I am anti-social. I love meeting people, but I also love my privacy and my own time. Sometimes I enjoy putting myself out there, but not at a forced level just so I can try to be more popular. I will try to be better about showing all of you who I really am this year through music and through updates, but I needed to teach myself that it’s ok to be myself and not try to “dress to impress.”
After events, shows, and meet and greets, I would always have to go straight into a room, bathroom, closet, anywhere where I could be alone. It was draining to me. It doesn’t mean I hate it, but I was overwhelmed because I neglected my own feelings and thoughts. I would awkwardly try to find ways of being energetic, but I felt so fake. I’m sorry, but after these 2 years away and feeling comfortable to be myself, I do not want to be the suck-up type just so I can get more fans, more likes, more attention and fame. That stuff never interested me in the first place, although I tried making everyone else around me happy who was interested in all of that. I am David. I love life; I love learning; I love sharing; and music is a way I express my passions and what is important to me. Obviously I want to get that out to as many people as possible, but it’s worthless to me if I only do it for the secondary goal of getting music out to as many people as possible and giving up the prime reason of sharing who I am, my art, my passion, and what matters most to me.
Where I’m at now:
I am still trying to unravel all of the knots that have been in my brain. I was so overwhelmed last time I was in the spotlight in front of all of you. I felt like I lost myself as I got caught up in trying to please everyone, because I disregarded what I cared about–what I thought.
It’s nice not having to keep trying to figure out how be something that I am not so that everyone will like whatever that is. I have come to realize that no matter what you will never make everybody happy, but you can make the most lasting impact on being yourself, and most of all out of all the people it will impact you are the one who is most impacted for the better. For the longest time, I tried to keep it on the down-low of who and how I really was because “I must not be likeable”, but it feels nice to just be who I am and live according to what has always been most important to me.
I know I may disappoint people for not being as interactive as before or who I showed myself as before, but man is it refreshing to not have to apologize for who I am and care about upsetting people anymore just because I am not what they want or expect me to be. I have different things that I find satisfaction in, and I like my peace and could care less if I am getting everybody’s attention for the sake of fame. That may have been what everybody else around me wanted out of me, but now I have decided to take into consideration how I feel, what I think, and what I want because yes, I do matter. My own thoughts, opinions, feelings, and ideas are good enough because they are my own and are for me. No more having everyone tell me “you can’t, you can’t, you can’t” because I am too young, too naive, too inexperienced, too stupid, too whatever else you want to say I am. I’m not willing to give up myself just for the sake of pleasing someone who wants something different from what I do.
December got busy with the Holidays. I had an amazing trip in Spain and France where I got to sing Christmas songs for missionaries who served just like me. It is not easy to be away for the Holidays without any family, just as it was for me on my mission for 2 years. I loved bringing a piece of home to the missionaries there as it meant a lot to me while I was in Chile to have pieces of home brought to me. Aside from seeing the missionaries, I also had some Christmas performances in Lyon and Bordeaux, France and Barcelona and Madrid, Spain called Christmas Devotionals. I loved it.
December had a lot of unexpected things going on and I got a little behind with my writing and creative-process with music, but now I am getting back into gear. To understand where the music is coming from, you have to understand where I am coming from personally as well.
Thanks for taking the time to read this. Something that hasn’t changed about me is that when I do start talking and sharing, I get long-winded. I know a lot of you may have wanted video blogs, but I express myself much more easily through words. I hope the music that comes will be something that you can feel is real. That is my goal, and it always has.